Make dating

iOS dating apps or dating apps for Android – there’s no great divide there, actually. Almost all popular dating apps are available for both these 2 platforms, and some for even more. Mobile apps for dating count in hundreds, but to make a dating app and know how high the bar is, check these top ones. Tinder – probably the most famous one ... Dating apps are more effective and take a place to connect with more users because of its meticulous logic and mathematical algorithm. In this blog, you’ll read about dating apps basic like how to create a dating app, the cost of making a dating app, etc. How to make a dating app? Here are the steps you should follow while creating a dating app: At we strive to make dating great again by offering a place where you can find single, like-minded people! To make a dating platform like Tinder, you need to incorporate some features in your application. So what are these basic yet important features? a. A Thorough Verification System. This one is without a question the most important one. Without a thorough verification system, your platform is going to become a wonderland for creeps and frauds. There are ways to make dating fun, not stressful, and they all revolve on your mindset going in. While a lot of people have daydreams about finding their very own Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan in the rom ... 20 Tips to Make Dating More Fun (and Fruitful) 1. Drop expectations. If you’re demanding that your date show up a certain way, you’ll miss the opportunity to enjoy what’s actually in front of you. Get clear on what your must-haves and deal-breakers are, but stay open to possibility. ... In the online dating world, 49% of users say your physical characteristics are the most important piece of your profile. Pick a photo that shows a bit of your personality (a photo showing you doing something you love to do) while also displaying your attractiveness (so pick a photo you are confident about and are happy with how you look!) Create a website for matchmaking / singles dating / black dating / quick dating / animals dating (pets dating), etc. Make a dating site for professionals, for over 50 (or other age) singles, for gays, for lesbians or other target groups. Pick a brand name and domain. You will obviously have to give your dating website a name. Many site builder sites are available and affordable and will walk you through the steps of how to start an Internet dating site. Many sites use templates to make the process quick and easy, and some 'builder' sites are even specifically geared towards creating a dating site. Dating websites are designed to help people meet and communicate with each other. Thus, the design of the dating website should facilitate communication. It is important to choose an appropriate template to make a dating website. It should be full of awesome built-in features but easy-to-use both for you and your clients.

Forever Alone, Together!

2010.09.15 02:09 noonches Forever Alone, Together!

A subreddit for Forever Alone. lonely depressed sad anxiety

2009.02.26 20:08 Childfree

Discussion and links of interest to childfree individuals. "Childfree" refers to those who do not have and do not ever want children (whether biological, adopted, or otherwise).

2010.09.27 21:54 kissmeniko Dating Advice

Share your favorite tips, ask for advice, and encourage others about anything dating.

2020.09.30 18:30 abhiram222 All andrew tate courses. top quality videos. Dm me for proof

I have almost all of the Andrew Tate courses and the Godmode by Tristan Tate. The courses are with the best quality that can be found.
!For more information send me a DM!
Andrew Tate courses list:
submitted by abhiram222 to Get_AndrewTateCourses [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:29 Fleon007us Is Driving Traffic to My Website Critical to My Business?

The best analogy I can think of for the world wide web is this…as all of you know, it is literally a virtual shopping mall. Your storefront can potentially have foot traffic every second of the day, BUT…does your storefront have a brick wall blocking the entrance? Can your prospects locate you, is your address visible? Or, have you torn down that brick wall and installed a welcoming message that you are there to solve their problem, you have a sale going on, you are the answer to their prayers? Think of that virtual mall and you can determine if driving traffic to your site makes sense.
Your online strategy will depend on your audience and business model. If your business provides a service or an online product to consumers or businesses, your firm's stakeholders need to craft up an online strategy yesterday!!! NOT tomorrow or next week…YESTERDAY! For this one topic, I will stick to the B2B strategy, we will save the B2C topic for another time.
But first, let’s go over some important topics. How can you get to that decision…below are some steps that will help answer the question, “is driving traffic to the website a lucrative option?”
Who are we? How does the general public perceive us?
Who is our audience and where do they reside?
Where does your audience research your services?
The two most important questions…”What is our value proposition?” “What challenge or pain does our audience experience that we can solve today?”.
The Google universe is an ideal spot to generate interest, but is Google the only option? Nope…online advertising for a B2B market can occur on several platforms. Research the following platforms if you cannot afford a PPC expert; LinkedIn, Facebook, Reddit, YouTube, Twitter, and Slideshare.
I have touched on the Google PPC platform so my focus will shift to LinkedIn. Facebook, Reddit, and YouTube will be published at a later date. I’m not a big believer in Twitter or Slideshare, but that can change.
LinkedIn can be really valuable, as the majority of you know, it’s a social network for professionals. Like many social media platforms with advertising capability, LinkedIn allows for budget control, cost per click optimization, and conversion tracking. This powerful platform allows you to also do the following:
· Target a specific role
· Geo-targeting
· Size of the firm – You can base this on the number of employees or the amount of revenue the firm generates each year.
· Target a specific vertical
LinkedIn has both ads and sponsored content. Both have their uses, but sponsored content could make the key difference to your B2B marketing strategy for certain parts of the buying cycle, or maybe your goal is for brand recognition.
Be aware that LinkedIn is expensive - it operates on pay-per-click, and while you might get a lot of impressions, click-throughs are harder to get.
Some Tips:
Whether your objective is to drive website traffic, build brand awareness, or generate leads, LinkedIn has some great features to drive results
Good luck to all of you, if you have any questions, feel free to DM me.
submitted by Fleon007us to advancedentrepreneur [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:29 Losertooter Help

Should I leave? I’ve been with this guy for a year and half now.. the beginning was a little rocky but we pushed through. He is the first guy I’ve ever felt comfortable with and I don’t feel like I have put on a show for him he genuinely likes me for me. He does understand me for the most part. I’m always excited/happy to see him no matter what. He treats me well and makes sure I’m always taken care of. We share the same core values and want the same things for the future. He always pushes me to be better person and wants the best for me.. I’m happy with the relationship and he’s willing to change for better for me also.I’ve dated a lot of trash ppl so for me to be with someone with all these qualities is great right? But my problem is as bad as it sounds but a small part of me feels like what if I’m settling? What if there is more out there? What if I meet someone else with a that spark? Im 24 I should be wanting to settle down with guy.I’ve had these doubts for a couple months now. I feel so in middle! what’s wrong with me?
submitted by Losertooter to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:28 Temporary_Coyote Did I ruin this for good? Or am I just getting played? Please help

I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months (we met on a dating site) and things were going really well. The first two dates the people at the restaurants had to kick us out because we stayed after they had closed and didn’t realize.
I usually don’t have sex until I’m dating someone officially but it felt right and so I did pretty early on (after a handful of dates).
We continued to see each other and things were going well UNTIL one night I checked in and asked if he’s looking for a relationship, or something more casual, this was via text.
He got SUPER weird and said he’s “not sure what he’s looking for yet”
So obviously I’m like hey listen I understand completely but if we’re looking for different things, let’s call this now. (Because I am specifically looking for a relationship.)
He replied right away and backtracked, saying he wants a relationship in general, just doesn’t know what he wants with me yet. (Fair, we haven’t been seeing each other long.). He continued to say that he’s not the type to rush into anything and would want to get to know me more before making it official.
So we continued seeing each other, things got and felt more serious, but we were never exclusive. Nor had we discussed it. (In fact, he even mentioned that none of his friends, including himself are in relationships). Loud and clear, bud, loud and clear.
Fast forward to last night. I had a friend over who I have a complicated past with. We ended up hooking up, but I stopped it midway because of my feelings for the guy. The experience really made me understand how I felt about him.
Today, I told him what happened to be fully transparent. (Even though I don’t believe I did anything wrong. We were not exclusive). He goes on to say he doesn’t understand how that would happen and how he just didn’t get it.
I told him in full detail how strongly I feel for him and how it has progressed significantly. He once again, word for word, reiterated that he has “ALOT” more getting to know me before we can date. And said because of what I did last night, he’s confused and thinks it may be best to backtrack and be friends.
I told him, okay I wish you the best, but let’s take a step back. He goes on and on about how he loves hanging out with me and wants to continue to do so as friends and I tell him hey I’ve never felt this strongly so fast, I don’t think a friendship is feasible right now.
He then practically BEGGED me to reconsider a friendship.
On one hand, I think this is because: - he’s sick of feeling the pressure that I want a relationship but he still wants to hangout and sleep together. And he knows I’ll hook up with friends, since I did last night.
On the other hand: - he’s been hurt and he’s scared to commit and wants this to progress naturally and sees potential, so he figures a friendship would be good for that.
I need help and any advice you can offer. This is the first person I’ve felt strongly for in a long time and I’m confused and hurt and can’t help but feel like the entire time has not been what I thought it was.
Thanks so much in advance. Will send an edible arrangement to anyone who can help lol
submitted by Temporary_Coyote to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:28 Ego1_ Help replicating some aspects of the widget

I’m very new to Scriptable and I was wondering if you guys could help me make the top widget look more like the official one.
Here’s a picture of how far I’ve gotten but I’m stuck and don’t know much about JavaScript.
I’m struggling to do the following:
  1. Get the color of the event on the left of the text like how Apple’s calendar does
  2. Align everything so that it looks like the medium widget, but on the lower part of the large widget
The code is shared below, all credit goes to Raigo Jerva for his script. I just changed and tweaked the colors and sizes a bit.
Thank you so much in advance! I’ve been obsessed trying to learn JavaScript in order to make more widgets. What an amazing app!
```javascript // Variables used by Scriptable. // These must be at the very top of the file. Do not edit. // icon-color: orange; icon-glyph: calendar-alt; const debug = false; const imageName = "image.jpg"; const backgroundColor = "#000000"; const currentDayColor = "#000000"; const textColor = "#ffffff"; const textRed = "#ec534b";
if (config.runsInWidget) { let widget = await createWidget(); Script.setWidget(widget); Script.complete(); await widget.presentMedium(); } else if (debug) { Script.complete(); let widget = await createWidget(); await widget.presentMedium(); } else { const appleDate = new Date("2001/01/01"); const timestamp = (new Date().getTime() - appleDate.getTime()) / 1000; console.log(timestamp); const callback = new CallbackURL("calshow:" + timestamp);; Script.complete(); }
async function createWidget() { let widget = new ListWidget(); widget.backgroundColor = new Color(backgroundColor); setWidgetBackground(widget, imageName); widget.setPadding(16, 16, 16, 16); const globalStack = widget.addStack(); const leftStack = globalStack.addStack();
// opacity value for weekends and times const opacity = 0.6;
// space between the two halves globalStack.addSpacer(null); leftStack.layoutVertically();
const date = new Date(); const dateFormatter = new DateFormatter(); dateFormatter.dateFormat = "EEEE";
// Find future events that aren't all day and aren't canceled const events = await[]); const futureEvents = []; for (const event of events) { if ( event.startDate.getTime() > date.getTime() && !event.isAllDay && !event.title.startsWith("Canceled:") ) { futureEvents.push(event); } }
// center the whole left part of the widget leftStack.addSpacer(null);
// if we have events today; else if we don't if (futureEvents.length !== 0) { // show the next 3 events at most const numEvents = futureEvents.length > 3 ? 3 : futureEvents.length; for (let i = 0; i < numEvents; i += 1) { formatEvent(leftStack, futureEvents[i], textColor, opacity); // don't add a spacer after the last event if (i < numEvents - 1) { leftStack.addSpacer(8); } } } else { addWidgetTextLine(leftStack, "No more events today", { color: textColor, opacity, font: Font.regularSystemFont(15), align: "left", }); } // for centering leftStack.addSpacer(null);
// right half const rightStack = globalStack.addStack(); rightStack.layoutVertically();
dateFormatter.dateFormat = "MMMM";
// Current month line const monthLine = rightStack.addStack(); monthLine.addSpacer(4); addWidgetTextLine(monthLine, dateFormatter.string(date).toUpperCase(), { color: textRed, textSize: 12, font: Font.boldSystemFont(12), });
// between the month name and the week calendar rightStack.addSpacer(2);
const calendarStack = rightStack.addStack(); calendarStack.spacing = 2;
const month = buildMonthVertical();
for (let i = 0; i < month.length; i += 1) { let weekdayStack = calendarStack.addStack(); weekdayStack.layoutVertically();
for (let j = 0; j < month[i].length; j += 1) { let dayStack = weekdayStack.addStack(); dayStack.size = new Size(20, 20); dayStack.centerAlignContent(); if (month[i][j] === date.getDate().toString()) { const highlightedDate = getHighlightedDate( date.getDate().toString(), currentDayColor ); dayStack.addImage(highlightedDate); } else { addWidgetTextLine(dayStack, `${month[i][j]}`, { color: textColor, opacity: i > 4 ? opacity : 1, font: Font.boldSystemFont(10), align: "center", }); } } 
return widget; }
/** * Creates an array of arrays, where the inner arrays include the same weekdays * along with an identifier in 0 position * [ * [ 'M', ' ', '7', '14', '21', '28' ], * [ 'T', '1', '8', '15', '22', '29' ], * [ 'W', '2', '9', '16', '23', '30' ], * ... * ] * * @returns {Array>} */ function buildMonthVertical() { const date = new Date(); const firstDayStack = new Date(date.getFullYear(), date.getMonth(), 1); const lastDayStack = new Date(date.getFullYear(), date.getMonth() + 1, 0);
const month = [["M"], ["T"], ["W"], ["T"], ["F"], ["S"], ["S"]];
let dayStackCounter = 0;
for (let i = 1; i < firstDayStack.getDay(); i += 1) { month[i - 1].push(" "); dayStackCounter = (dayStackCounter + 1) % 7; }
for (let date = 1; date <= lastDayStack.getDate(); date += 1) { month[dayStackCounter].push(${date}); dayStackCounter = (dayStackCounter + 1) % 7; }
const length = month.reduce( (acc, dayStacks) => (dayStacks.length > acc ? dayStacks.length : acc), 0 ); month.forEach((dayStacks, index) => { while (dayStacks.length < length) { month[index].push(" "); } });
return month; }
/** * Draws a circle with a date on it for highlighting in calendar view * * @param {string} date to draw into the circle * * @returns {Image} a circle with the date */ function getHighlightedDate(date) { const drawing = new DrawContext(); drawing.respectScreenScale = true; const size = 50; drawing.size = new Size(size, size); drawing.opaque = false; drawing.setFillColor(new Color(textRed)); drawing.fillEllipse(new Rect(1, 1, size - 2, size - 2)); drawing.setFont(Font.boldSystemFont(25)); drawing.setTextAlignedCenter(); drawing.setTextColor(new Color("#ffffff")); drawing.drawTextInRect(date, new Rect(0, 10, size, size)); const currentDayImg = drawing.getImage(); return currentDayImg; }
/** * formats the event times into just hours * * @param {Date} date * * @returns {string} time */ function formatTime(date) { let dateFormatter = new DateFormatter(); dateFormatter.useNoDateStyle(); dateFormatter.useShortTimeStyle(); return dateFormatter.string(date); }
/** * Adds a event name along with start and end times to widget stack * * @param {WidgetStack} stack - onto which the event is added * @param {CalendarEvent} event - an event to add on the stack * @param {number} opacity - text opacity */ function formatEvent(stack, event, color, opacity) { addWidgetTextLine(stack, event.title, { color, font: Font.mediumSystemFont(13), lineLimit: 1, });
// create line for event start and end times let timeStack = stack.addStack(); const time = ${formatTime(event.startDate)} - ${formatTime(event.endDate)}; addWidgetTextLine(timeStack, time, { color, opacity, font: Font.regularSystemFont(13), }); }
function addWidgetTextLine( widget, text, { color = "#ffffff", textSize = 12, opacity = 1, align, font = "", lineLimit = 0, } ) { let textLine = widget.addText(text); textLine.textColor = new Color(color); if (typeof font === "string") { textLine.font = new Font(font, textSize); } else { textLine.font = font; } console.log(${text}); console.log(${typeof opacity}); textLine.textOpacity = opacity; switch (align) { case "left": textLine.leftAlignText(); break; case "center": textLine.centerAlignText(); break; case "right": textLine.rightAlignText(); break; default: textLine.leftAlignText(); break; } }
function getImageUrl(name) { let fm = FileManager.iCloud(); let dir = fm.documentsDirectory(); return fm.joinPath(dir, ${name}); }
function setWidgetBackground(widget, imageName) { const imageUrl = getImageUrl(imageName); console.log(imageUrl); widget.backgroundImage = Image.fromFile(imageUrl); }
submitted by Ego1_ to Scriptable [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:27 2manycandles My experience 'coming out' to my family.

I mostly lurk here but have been poly for a few years. I've been in a triad for a few months with two beautiful people. I think the hardest thing about poly for me has, funny enough, nothing to do with my partners, but negative perceptions about it.
I told my parents I was poly a few years back, and my mom especially had a big problem with one of my partners back then being married. Said a lot of awful and untrue shit about my partner who she'd never even met, and who was literally one of the nicest people out there. She spent a couple hours on google and basically looked for anything validating her negative perceptions about it, then tried to act like she knew more than me about polyamory and about my own relationship.
She very much seemed to believe that the only reason someone would be poly in general, but also date a married person is if something's wrong with them, emotionally. I think she perceives all poly people as doing it because of having a bad childhood/low self esteem. My dad is a little more open but still implied that it was a dangerous and bad way to live. It was horrible and I was upset over it all for a long time.
My childhood wasn't perfect and I did struggle with self-esteem as a teen. I can't say that that doesn't influence my behavior as an adult, but I really dislike it when people make out all 'alternative' communities to be something that people only participate in because they're messed up. It ignores their agency.
I'm emotionally much better than when I first 'came out,' and I'm not planning to tell my parents about any partner(s) in the near term. I know there will come a time where I'll want to tell them a though, especially if I'm with my partners for a long time. I also know that they'll probably try to say bad things about my partners, and then try to make it about how they didn't give me enough affection as a child or something. Sorry about the book here. I guess I just wish I was resilient or brave enough to be open and not really worry about whether they like it or not.
Has anyone else had an experience like this? How did it affect your relationship/willingness to tell your family about future partners?
submitted by 2manycandles to polyamory [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:27 teamestrad My girlfriend (21f) thought we had decided to be in an open relationship; I (22m) did not. Chaos ensued. Now I need your advice.

My girlfriend (21f) and I (22m) have been dating since February of 2019. We met when I was a junior in college and she was a sophomore. Our first date was a Tinder date; we watched 21 Jump Street in the movie theater under our dorm building. We hit it off immediately, and we’ve both been smitten ever since.
It has been, on the whole, extremely wonderful. She is loving, kind, and goofy in a way none of my previous girlfriends have been. We’ve forged deep connections with each other’s families and have established a strong bedrock for our relationship.
We moved into an apartment together when the lockdown began and our college shut down all on-campus housing. It was at this point that we began having some issues, which started small but gradually became more frustrating; I think these largely stemmed from the fact that we were interacting only with each other for days at a time. I would get frustrated at the way she handled problems, exploding with stress at the smallest of inconveniences in her life. She would (understandably) get upset at me if I promised to do something (like wash the dishes, for example, or clean a part of the house) and didn’t follow through.
I then moved to a new city for my first post-grad job, and she came to spend some time there with me. We settled into the new apartment together, building furniture, exploring the area, going on adventures. It was a dramatic improvement from our earlier time in quarantine. We were happy. After a month, she returned to our college town to move into her new apartment and try to find work to save up for the school year. But, in our relationship, one reservation remained: we had been in a relationship for a year and a half, with no end in sight. We loved each other, but we were ready to decide that this was the person we were going to spend the rest of our lives with? What about the issues we’d had – were we ready to set those aside forever? It was a concern we both shared.
We talked about it, and we decided that it would be best to break up. This only lasted about 16 hours. The next morning, she called me, crying, saying she had been up all night thinking about us. She wasn’t ready to let our relationship go. I wholeheartedly agreed. With her, the good things were just too good. We agreed to commit to fixing the small issues in our relationship, and after that, things were absolutely blissful. It was sheer euphoria. Almost like the honeymoon phase all over again. I went to visit her at our college, and the week I spent there was one of the best I can remember.
Our concern about committing to someone while we were still so young, however, had not gone away – so we began talking about the prospect of an open relationship. It was something I thought I could potentially get on board with; after all, I thought, isn’t it strange that you’re expected to decide that this is the only person you want to have sex with for the rest of your life? Was it realistic to say that I would only have sex with her for the rest of my days? Don’t I want to have many new experiences with other people while I’m in my sexual prime?
My girlfriend, on the other hand, was interested in getting into an open relationship to explore her own sexuality. She comes from a deeply conservative, repressive Southern background full of racism and homophobia. For her, being anything other than perfectly straight was never an option. During college, though, it became increasingly clear to her that she was not only interested in men. At first, she thought she was interested in both women and men and identified as bisexual, but then she came to realize that she was actually pansexual (she felt sexual attraction to people regardless of their gender identity).
So we began talking about what this open relationship would look like. She insisted that it was important to her for there to be no restrictions on who she could have sex with if we were to do this. That was a tough pill for me to swallow. What troubled me was the mental image of her having sex with a man; her having sex with someone of any other gender identity did not bother me at all.
I can explain the feeling in the following way: obviously, there are not only two genders, but only two play a role in my sexual life: men (since I’m a man) and women (since I’m attracted to women). So for my girlfriend to have sex with another man would feel like I’d been swapped out, someone had taken my place, and that this man would get to do all the things that I cherished in sex with her. Whereas if she were to have sex with a woman, that would not feel the same to me, because it wouldn’t feel like I was being replaced, like someone else would be doing the things that I love instead of me. Simply put, I would be jealous of a man. I would not be jealous of anyone else.
This was very upsetting to my girlfriend because her sexual attraction to people is not based on their gender, so, to her, making such a distinction felt artificial. She immediately accused me of thinking that the only “real” sex was penetrative sex between a man and a woman, which was extremely frustrating to me. Nothing could be further from the truth; I think sex between any two people is sex. I had merely been talking about the way it made me feel, how it would make me jealous.
Our conversations continued over the course of a few weeks, and she continued to express her irritation with me for harboring these reservations about her having sex with a man. It wasn’t that she specifically wanted to go out and have sex with a man, she explained; she simply felt that placing a restriction like that on our open relationship would not be affirming of her gender identity. I never wanted to be complicit in doing her harm or repressing her gender identity, so, finally, one day, I told her that maybe I should simply accept it and endure the pain that I knew would accompany such a choice. I knew it would not ever be fair to ask her to not have sex with men while I was able to have sex with women, even though, at heart, that was what I w
That conversation is a key point in the story. I said that, and we continued discussing other less important elements of the open relationship. Eventually we began talking about Tinder, and I told her I remembered going on Tinder during the 16 hours for which we were broken up and seeing our first ever conversation. I remembered how heartbroken I’d felt, I told her. And that was pretty much the end of the conversation; one of us had to go do something else, I think. But I in no way felt I had given my affirmative, enthusiastic consent to an open relationship. We never said “We are open now,” or anything of the like. In fact, I couldn’t have even imagined that she would construe that as the official beginning of an open relationship.
Fast-forward maybe a week and a half to last Saturday, September 26. I had some high school friends visiting me, and we were driving back from the beach. I’d been having a wonderful weekend. I was sitting in the back seat, and I was texting my girlfriend about what a good time I was having as I laughed with my friends and bopped to the music. Out of nowhere, I got a text from her asking something along the lines of: “How much do we want to tell each other about the open relationship? Do we want to tell each other when it happens? Or not at all?”
“Why don’t we talk about it tomorrow night?” I said. “So we can figure those things out before we officially start it.”
“I thought we already had???” she replied.
“Did you already hook up with someone?” I asked.
“To be honest, yes.”
I asked her who it was, and she told me. A friend of hers, a guy I’ve met. My heart sank. I felt nausea in my stomach, a heaviness in my chest.
She apologized, but not emphatically enough for my liking. And as I expressed my anger at her for this, she quickly became angry at me, which makes me all the more furious.
The rest of the weekend was a disaster. She asked that we not talk about it until the next day, when we’ve both cooled off. I reluctantly accepted. We got on a call the next day and proceeded to have one of the worst conversations I can remember. I laid out a list of the things I thought were problematic about her choice, which were as follows:
  1. I did not give my enthusiastic, happy, clear consent to this at any point in any of our conversations. In relationships, consent should be clear and enthusiastic for all things, and it absolutely was not in this case.
  2. She should have waited until we hashed out the details of our open relationship before having sex with this man. Who was going to be a permissible sexual partner, and who was not? What kinds of intimacy would be considered in violation of the boundaries of our relationship? She knew nothing about what I wanted, what boundaries I might ask for, and had sex with this man anyway.
  3. She’d had sex with a man, even though I told her how much this would hurt me. I’d made that extremely clear in all our conversations. Though I can’t know for sure, I’d like to think that, if I had been in her position, I would not have made the same choice. I would never do anything that I thought could hurt her because I love her so much.
  4. This man had sexual misconduct allegations against him. I was extremely disappointed by the fact that she would still give him the privilege of having sex with her, both for the sake of those who had accused him and also due to the risk to her own self as well.
  5. She had insisted that she didn’t need to feel guilty because she did nothing wrong, since she believed we were in an open relationship. I, on the other hand, felt that she should feel extremely sorry, if for no other reason than she hurt someone she loved.
I should mention that I definitely stand by these criticisms, even though the conversation in which I expressed them was a disastrous, chaotic exchange of tense emotions. I let my frustration get the best of me and basically treated her like a witness on the witness stand in the trial, laying out all my argument methodically and forcing her into a position where she felt like she needed to rebut every one. It was a bad conversation, plain and simple. And on my end, I did a bad job. I don’t think it the talk helped anyone.
Several hours later, she texted me, saying, “I think we should break up,” and explained that she now believes we think too differently, not simply about sex, but about many things. Suddenly, everything changed for me in an instant. I had been deeply hurt, furious. I hadn’t been able to stop replaying the image of her and this guy having sex in my head, in vivid, nauseating detail. But I loved her. I knew that very well. And I didn't want to lose her.
By the next day, we had talked a lot, and I’d explained to her how deeply I want us to stay together, and how ardently I love her. By the afternoon, she completely changed her tone. She apologized a million times, and she explained that it seemed like an injustice to even call what happened sex, since it was just nothing compared to what she and I do. She said if I don’t want to stay with her, if she had “fucked things up too bad,” as she said, then she would understand. She told me about all the panic attacks she’s endured over the previous 24 hours and how the guilt had destroyed her. She’s sorry, she said, more than she can ever explain.
We decided to stay together. I was elated. We also agreed that, for the foreseeable future, our relationship should be exclusive.
I have virtually no doubts about my decision to stay with her. I know this wasn't cheating, and I want to be with her. I can say that unequivocally. I love her very, very much. She’s one of the best things to ever happen to me – a truly special person with a warm, giving heart. She lights up my life. I have not seen anything to indicate that, up to this point, this was an unhealthy relationship in any way. But I want nothing more than to be hit in the head with a brick and be made to forget the fact that she had sex with this other man, after about 1.75 years of being together. As I mentioned, the image of their sex is playing on loop in my mind over and over and over again, and it’s crushing.
I asked about the details of their sexual encounter because I was possessed by a kind of masochistic curiosity. I didn’t want to know, but I had to know. They had been smoking weed together, and it was impulsive, she said. I’m slightly relieved because they didn’t do some of my favorite sexual things that she and I do – the things that turn me on the most, that I cherish as really special – but the negative effect of this knowledge is that now I can imagine their sex all the more vividly. It’s just nauseating.
I also explained to her that it was difficult for me to cope with the strange power dynamic this created in our relationship – that, after all this time, she’s now had sex with someone else, whereas I have not. She quickly responded that if I wanted to have sex with another girl, I could, and she wouldn’t be upset. Perhaps it would rectify the power imbalance in our relationship, she said. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I tend to agree. I think that if I did have sex with another girl, I would feel less devastated by the imbalance. But I don’t want to be a hypocrite, and I don’t want to do anything that would hurt her; while we were discussing this possibility, she said, heartbreakingly, “What if you go on a tinder date and it’s just like it was with us?” The implication being, of course, that I could fall quickly and deeply in love with this girl, just as I did with her. She is very firm, though, in her insistence that she thinks this would be a good idea. She has repeated that belief, with equal certainty, several times since.
So, at the end of the day, I desperately need help with the following key questions:
  1. How do I stop replaying this image of them having sex in my mind? It’s the bane of my existence. It’s especially bad when I FaceTime her and can see her; it makes the images all the more vivid. I want to banish it from my life. It makes me want to puke. Will this just take time? Any particular strategies? I feel myself getting triggered by things she says all the time, and they make me imagine the sex so clearly.
  2. How can I explain my feelings about her having sex with another man without alienating her? She remains extremely, extremely frustrated by this, especially after asking me if I would have responded differently if she’d had sex with a girl (I said yes). I feel that I’ve approached her position with empathy and generosity, and I don’t feel like I’m being treated with the same. At the end of the day, I truly believe that my sexuality is at the core of why I feel this way, and I don’t feel that she’s treating that feeling as valid. On the other hand, her sexuality has been repressed and demonized her entire life, whereas I am in a position of immense privilege, and my straightness has never been anything but encouraged, so I can understand why she would feel particularly sensitive to this. I think, if she could comprehend why I feel this way, she would better understand why I became so upset at the news she gave me.
  3. Should I have sex with another girl? Do you agree with my instinct that it would help rectify the imbalance and could essentially contribute to a new start in our relationship, where we could say, “Okay, we each tried having sex with someone else, and now we’re happy and exclusive together again?”
Tl;dr: my girlfriend thought we had decided that we were in an open relationship (I did not have the same impression) so she had sex with another man. I have no doubts about the fact that she loves me deeply, and she feels extremely sorry about this. How can I move on from it – how can I stop replaying the image of them having sex in my mind? Also, my girlfriend is pansexual, and as a straight man, for her to have sex with a man (as opposed to a person of any other gender) is more hurtful to me and makes me more jealous because it feels like this other man gets to do those things instead of me. How do I convince her that it’s not simply that I believe sex between men and women is the only real, valid sex? Because nothing could be further from the truth. And she says I can have sex with another girl – should I do that, both for the experience (since I’ve been dating the same girl for a very long time) and also to help rectify the imbalance in the relationship?
submitted by teamestrad to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:26 hello_walrus I (m18) don't get any one on one time with my best friend because her boyfriend is so clingy

So my best friend has been dating this guy since July, he's a decent guy, I knew him in high school and we get along, but I straight up have not been able to hang out with her alone once since they started dating. She went off to college at the beginning of the month, and I stayed home as my school is still remote, he went too and being a state away, drives up and sees her almost every weekend. Anyways she told me she was coming home for a week next month and I got rather excited as I don't have a lot of socialization at home. I started making some plans when surprise surprise, her boyfriend is also coming home that week and spending the entire week with her. This not only limits the time I will get to see her, as he will be doing stuff with her the entire week, but also if I do get to see her it won't be friends hanging out, it will be me awkwardly third-wheeling. She admits he is clingy as hell, but she doesn't do anything about it.
submitted by hello_walrus to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:26 RyroGee AITA for wanting to tell my parents they cant see my kids

Okay so basically my mom and step dad say a lot of shit that I don't agree with with things they wanna tell my kids, like my step dad said he wants to scare my daughters into keeping their hair long cause he believes that women are more attractive with long hair, which to me is gross and kind of creepy, and they don't believe in white people dating black or mixed people, not sure about other races tbh. Or they don't want them dating the same sex, I've had issues with my mom about that one cause im pans and she often made me feel "disgusting" for that when i was younger, and on top of all that they believe they have what they call a "kidnap card" meaning they can just come and take the kids to their house whenever they damned well please. I haven't said anything while i live with them but when I move out I want to cut them off cause I want my girls to be raised thinking they can love who they want and have their hair how they please and I'm scared that if my kids spend a lot of time with them they'll grow up thinking that having long hair or dating a black person isn't okay and they're already making me feel a little guilty about moving away cause they cant see my girls everyday. So AITA?
submitted by RyroGee to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:26 Hhlt1991199108 When you wonder what's the point anymore 🤔

First off let me just emphasize how literally the only thing I've cared about or wanted in life has been love... love in many ways of course but especially my want to find real love but I've only found pain. I'm the type of person that just immediately trusts someone and I'll give you my all effort through hard times as well... I'm not someone that takes relationships lightly... and I'll care about that person and what they want through it all...i started dating a guy in May 2019. We had been talking since like February 2019 and finally went out and then started dating. Everything seemed fine but behind my back it wasn't. First time I found out he was cheating the girl messaged me and sent me texts between them. They'd not hung out yet but he said plenty in the texts. I forgave him in time because like how I am I just try to see the best in people even when their being deceiving and i don't want to realize that. After a few months it seemed like things were getting back to normal and I was in the process of letting the past go but of course that didn't last. I got a message while at his place from another girl. This time was the ultimate worst I've ever felt. He had gone on tinder and was talking to this girl who he later took out on one date and took her home and had sex with her 2 times that night without protection or pulling out. That wasn't all though he met with her 2 more times and they did it one more time before she finally realized he had a gf because it said he did on Facebook lol I literally read a text saying how he was telling her that his Facebook was old and he never uses it so that's just an ex he has on there (when referring to me). This girl must be retarded because she actually believed him for awhile after he told her that.... he tells me he'll change and you know how that find out I'm pregnant with his baby and try to make it work despite everything and despite the obvious pain. He makes promises of the future and months go by without much fuss. Fast forward to June 2020 and I have our daughter. Things seemed better and he asked me to marry him. I of course found more things but he is always claiming how he hasn't done anything since January now like that's so long and I should see he's changed lol yeah I found out not only did he cheat on me those 2 times but countless times. Yeah he may have only met with the one girl (that I know of...) but he did a lot of talking and getting videos of other women... there was obvious intentions. I asked him in June to go to see a therapist first without me and then with. It's almost October and he's gone to one therapy session for 1 hour on the phone... and only after I've made enough of a fuss about it did he actually do anything eventhough it was a clear ultimatum. So now I'm here at wits end and I'm done hearing his bs excuses and hear from him about how much he's changed because of this and that.... at this point I've already heard everything he's had to say and I have been feeling helpless and alone for a long time now. How can you continue to love someone like this when all their doing is bringing you down and hurting you without a care of the consequences? You can't. I made 2 videos of shit i had found on him that are like 5 min long in total.... I'm so embarrassed to even show anyone but I really want to. I've never asked for this and I know I don't deserve it. I've only been a good gf and completely loyal from the beginning while he was talking to other women even since we started dating. He never gave me a chance and I don't think I'll ever really get one because you can't change someone who doesn't want to or doesn't care enough to see their wrong. If he loved me this would've never happened and if he had changed like he always says he would've gone to therapy more than one time. I just need someone to talk to because I'm at my wits end and I have a daughter to be strong for so I keep most this stuff in. I don't talk to most my friends about it and almost no one knows who this guy really is.
submitted by Hhlt1991199108 to confessions [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:25 jk_throway Does Fedex consolidate/hold packages when there are more in-route for the same address?

I have three packages sitting at a local facility. Two of which have been there since last week, and the third arrived yesterday. The other two were initially scheduled for delivery Monday & Tuesday, but now that the delivery dates have passed they just say "pending" and the third is showing delivery on Friday. I'm just trying to understand what happened and why two of my packages are seemingly on hold.. I wonder if there is a policy of delaying packages to consolidate and make less trips for the drivers? If not, should I be contacting Fedex to find out why my packages are late/not moving?
submitted by jk_throway to FedEx [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:25 Littlebluelizard My (28F) boyfriend (27M) is ready to propose, but I can't seem to get over his past mistakes

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. Everything is generally great, we laugh, we support each other, etc. We talk a lot about our relationship and we've been discussing marriage for about a year now. There is just one thing holding us back from taking that next step: I still can't totally get over some past mistakes he made in the relationship.
In the first two years of dating, he: * Often compared me to his exes, * Tried (unsuccessfully) to find a hookup online a weekend he was away traveling for work, * Downloaded hookup apps the day he left for a work trip that was going to be 6 months long (but never acted on anything), * Failed to tell me his girl BFF that he raves about all the time is also his ex. Calls this girl "love" when he texts her, sends heart emojis, and kissed her instead of me in some silly drinking game this girl wanted to play the one and only time I met her. This same girl also texts him about how she wants to hang out with me so bad and get to know me finally, but will not even make eye contact or smile at me when we are standing right next to each other. * I once found a text on his phone saying "hey this is the girl from last night" after a night he got black out drunk while away on a weekend work trip. He has no memory of this at all and says all he can tell me is that he knows he went straight home to his hotel room after he left the bars that night.
Despite all of this, he has been pretty much perfect the past year. He is trying so hard to make up for all of these things and prove to me that he has grown up and is past all of that. He's getting to the point where he is really struggling with the fact that he has known with 100% certainty for a year now that he wants to propose and get married, while I am now shuffling my feet and too scared to move forward after all of that old stuff that happened.
I just feel numb at this point, and while I love him and see myself growing old with him and the future being way better than our past, all I can picture when I imagine him proposing right now is just feeling empty and indifferent. I don't think it will always be this way, but right now I just can't shake the feeling that I need to protect myself. I've also been feeling myself grow insecure in this relationship after everything that happened. Suddenly I'm jealous about things I would have never dreamed of being jealous about before! I'm still having intrusive thoughts daily too like, "how can he think he gets to propose now and have me as his wife forever after all that shit he put me through before?". Maybe this sounds really immature, but I can't help but think that it's just NOT FAIR.
How do you forgive things like that in a relationship and move on from the hurt? For anyone whose ever been in a similar situation, does it ever get to a point where you feel better?
submitted by Littlebluelizard to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:25 normancrane Iris [1/3]

Table of Contents

Part 1 <-- You are here.
Part 2 (Soon)
Part 3 (Soon)

- - -


The first person to ever tell me the theory was Iris. It was nighttime in 2015, and we were lying on an old mattress on the roof of a four-storey apartment building in a university town in southern Ontario. A party was going on downstairs to which we’d both been invited and from whose monotony we’d helped each other escape through an ordinary white door that said “No entrance”. It was summer. I remember the heat waves and the radiating warmth of the asphalt. Our semester was over and we had started existing until the next one started in the way all students exist when they don’t spend their months off at home or touring Europe. I could feel the bass thumping from below. I could see the infinite stars in the cloudless sky. The sound seemed so disconnected from the image. Iris and I weren’t dating, we were just friends, but she leaned toward me on the mattress that night until I could feel her breathing on my neck, and, with my eyes pointed spaceward, she began: “What if…”
Back then it was pure speculation, a wild fantasy inspired by the THC from the joint we were passing back and forth and uninhibited by the beer we’d already drunk. There was nothing scientific or even philosophical about Iris’ telling of it. The theory was a flight of imagination influenced by her name and personalized by the genetic defect of her eyes, which her doctors had said would render her blind by fifty. Even thirty-five seemed far away. It’s heartbreaking now to know that Iris never did live to experience her blindness—her own genetic fate interrupted by the genetic fate of the world—but that night, imagination, the quality Einstein called more important than knowledge, lit up both our brains in synapses of neon as we shared our joint, sucking it into glowing nothingness, Iris paranoid that she’d wake up one morning in eternal darkness despite the doctors’ assurances that her blindness would occur gradually, and me fearing that I would never find love, never share my life with anyone, but soothed at least by Iris’ words and her impossible ideas because Einstein was right, and imagination is magical enough to cure anything.

2025, Pre-

I graduated with a degree in one field, found a low paying job in another, got married, worked my way to slightly better pay, wanted to have a child, bought a Beagle named Pillow as a temporary substitute, lived in an apartment overlooking a green garbage bin that was always full of beer cans and pizza boxes, and held my wife, crying, when we found out that we couldn’t have children. Somewhere along the way my parents died and Kurt Schwaller, a physicist from the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, proved a grand theory of everything that rather than being based on the vibrations of strings, was based on a property of particles called viscous time force. I never understood the details. To me they lacked imagination. The overriding point, the experts on television told us, was that given enough data and computing power we could now predict the outcome of anything. The effect was that no one wanted to study theoretical physics and everyone wanted to make breakthroughs in data collection systems and biological hardware. Hackers created a version of Linux that ran from DNA. Western Digital released the first working holographic storage drive. The NSA, FSB, BND and other agencies rushed to put their suddenly valuable mass of unprocessed raw spy data to prognostic use. A Chinese bookmaker known only by the nick ##!! wrote a piece of Python code that could predict the outcomes of hockey games. Within a month, the NHL and KHL were scrambling to come up with ways of saving their leagues by making them more unpredictable. They introduced elements of chance: power plays without penalties, a tilting ice surface, fluctuating rules that sometimes allowed for icings and offsides and sometimes not, and, finally, a pre-game lottery by which the names of the players on both teams were put into a pot and randomly drawn into two squads. Given enough variables, the strategy did thwart the code, but the inherent unfairness of the innovations alienated the players, the draft made owners question why they were paying the salaries of superstars who played against them half of the time, and the fans simply stopped paying attention to a league full of teams for which their already dwindling loyalty had bottomed out. Besides, the code was basic. ##!! had room to expand. The KHL folded first, followed by the NHL, and then the other sports leagues, preemptively. They didn’t bother to wait until their own codes were broken. I remember seeing an interview with ##!! while this was still front page news. The reporter, a perpetually smiling big-breasted blonde with blindingly white teeth, asked him if he thought that hockey could be rescued by the creation of roving blue lines that would continually alter the relative sizes of both offensive zones and the neutral zone. ##!! answered that he didn’t know what a blue line was because he’d never watched a hockey game in his life. His voice was cold, objective, and there was something terrifyingly inhuman about the idea that a person with no knowledge of a subject could nevertheless understand it so completely. Content had become a mere input of form.
By 2025, mainstream interest in the theory of everything faded, not because the theory was wrong but because it was too right and too abstract and now there weren’t any young theoretical physicists to help explain it using cute graphics on YouTube. We consumed what we understood and passively accepted the fallout while going on with our daily lives. The people who did understand made money, but for the rest of us the consequences were less than their potential, because even with enough time, memory and microprocessors the most we could know was the what and the when, not the why. For the governments and corporations pouring taxes and tax-free earnings into complex models of world domination, that didn’t matter. They weren’t interested in cause. They were in the business of exploiting certainty to gain power. As long as they could predict lightning, they were satisfied. If they could make it, all the better. Away from the cutting edge, however, like ants or ancients, what we craved to know was where the lightning came from, what it meant, and on that issue the theory was silent. As Kurt Schwaller put it in a speech to the United Nations, “All I’ve given you is a tool—a microscope to magnify the minutes, so to speak—with which to investigate in perfect detail the entirety of our interrelations. But the investigations still have to made, ladies and gentlemen. Have a hay stack, look for the needle. Know there might not be one.”
In January, my wife and I began a fertility treatment for which we’d been saving for years. It was undoubtedly the reason we became so emotionally involved in the media attention around Aiko, the lovely, black-haired and fashionable Crown Princess of Japan, who along with her husband was going through the same ordeal that we were. For a few months, it seemed as if the whole world sat on the edges of its seat, wishing for this beautiful royal couple to conceive. And we sat on two, our own and one somewhere in an exotic Japan updated by the royal Twitter feed. It strikes me now that royalty has always fascinated the proles, a feeling that historically went in tandem with hatred, respect or awe, but it was the Japanese who held our attentions the longest and the most genuinely in the twenty-first century, when equality had more or less rendered a hereditary ruling class obsolete. The British declared themselves post-Christian in 2014 and post-Royal in 2021, the European Court of Justice ruled all other European royals invalid in 2022, and the Muslim monarchs pompously degraded themselves one-by-one into their own exiles and executions. Only the Japanese line survived, adapting to the times by refusing to take itself seriously on anything but the most superficial level. They dressed nicely, acted politely and observed a social protocol that we admired without wanting to follow it ourselves. Before he died, my father had often marvelled that the Second World War began with Japan being led by an emperor god, and ended with the American occupation forcing him to renounce his divinity. The Japanese god had died because MacArthur willed it and Hirohito spoke it. Godhood was like plaque. If your mother told you to brush your teeth, off it went, provided you used the right flavour of Colgate. Kings had once ruled by divine right. By 2025, the Crown Princess of Japan ruled our hearts merely by popular approval. She was our special friend, with whom we were all on intimate and imaginary terms. Indeed, on the day she died—on the day they all died—Princess Aiko’s was the most friended account on Facebook.
That’s why March 27, 2025, was such a joyous occasion for us. In hindsight, it’s utterly sick to associate the date with happiness of any kind, but history must always be understood in context, and the context of the announcement was a wirelessly connected world whose collective hopes came suddenly true to the jingle of a breaking news story on the BBC. I was in the kitchen sauteing onions when I heard it. Cutting them had made me cry and my eyes were still red. Then the announcer’s voice broke as he was setting up his intro, and in a video clip that was subsequently rebroadcast, downloaded and parodied close to a billion times in the one hundred thirty-two days that followed, he said: “The Crown Princess of Japan is pregnant!”
I ran to the living room and hugged my wife, who’d fallen to her knees in front of the wall-mounted monitor. Pillow was doing laps on and off the sofa. The BBC cut away from the announcer’s joyful face to a live feed from Japan. As I held my wife, her body felt warm and full of life. The top of her jeans cut into her waist. Her tears wetted the top of my shirt sleeve. Both of our phones started to buzz—emails and Twitter notifications streaming in. On the monitor, Aiko and her husband, both of their angular faces larger than life in 110” 1080p, waved to the crowd in Tokyo and the billions watching around the world. They spoke in Japanese and a woman on the BBC translated, but we hardly needed to know her exact words to understand the emotions. If them, why not also us? I knew my wife was having the same thought. We, too, could have a family. Then I smelled burning oil and the pungency of onions and I remembered my sauteing. I gently removed my arms from around my wife’s shoulders and ran back to the kitchen, still listening to Aiko’s voice and its polite English echo, and my hands must have been shaking, or else my whole body was shaking, because after I had turned down the heat I reached for the handle of the frying pan, knocked the pan off the stove top instead, and burned myself while stupidly trying to catch it before it fell, clattering, to the floor. The burned onions splattered. I’d cracked one of the kitchen tiles. My hand turned pale and I felt a numbness before my skin started to overflow with the warmth of pain. Without turning off the broadcast, my wife shooed me downstairs to the garage where we kept our car and drove me to the hospital.
The Toronto streets were raucous. Horns honked. J-pop blared. In the commotion we nearly hit a pedestrian, a middle-aged white woman pushing a baby carriage, who’d cut across Lake Shore without looking both ways. She had appeared suddenly from behind a parked transport—and my wife instinctively jerked the car from the left lane to the right, scraping our side mirror against the truck but saving two lives. The woman barely noticed. She disappeared into a crowd of Asian kids on the other side of street who were dancing to electronica and waving half a dozen Japanese flags, one of which was the Rising Sun Flag, the military flag of Imperial Japan. Clutching my wrist in the hope it would dull the pain in my hand, I wondered how many of them knew about the suffering Japanese soldiers had inflicted on countless Chinese in the name of that flag. To the right, Lake Ontario shone and sparkled in the late afternoon light. A passenger jet took off from Toronto Island Airport and climbed into the sky.
In the hospital waiting room, I sat next to a woman who was reading a movie magazine with Nuri Bilge Ceylan’s face on the cover. The Cannes film festival was coming up. My wife checked me in at the reception desk. The woman beside me put down her magazine and told me that she was there with her son, as if needing to justify her presence. I affirmed by nodding. He’d hurt his leg playing soccer for a local Armenian junior boys team, she went on. I said I’d hurt myself frying onions and that I was here with my wife. She said my wife was pretty and asked if I liked movies. Without meaning to do it, I tried to guess her age—unsuccessfully—and proceeded to imagine having doggy style sex with her. She had dark eyes that barely blinked and plump thighs. When I started to feel guilty, I answered her question: sometimes I watched movies at home, but I hadn’t been to a theatre in a decade. When my wife sat down, I let the two of them talk about the woman’s son. I was having trouble concentrating. I took my phone out of my pocket and read all the new emails about the royal conception, then stared at the seconds hand going slowly around its digital clock face on my home screen, wondering why we so often emulated the limitations of analogue machines on devices that were no longer bound by them. I switched my clock type to a digital readout. Now the seconds no longer rotated but flickered away. They called my name over the crackling intercom and a nurse led me to one of the empty rooms. “How about that baby,” he said while we walked. I didn’t see his face, only the shaved back of his head. “The things they can do these days, even for infertile couples.”
I waited for over thirty minutes for a doctor. When one came in, she inspected my hand for less than ten seconds before telling me that I was fine and hinting that I shouldn’t have wasted her time by coming to the emergency room. She had high cheek bones, thin lips and bony wrists. Her tablet had a faux clipboard wallpaper. Maybe I had only misinterpreted her tone. “How about that baby,” I said.
“It’s not a baby yet,” she answered.
This time her tone was impossible to misinterpret. I was only repeating what the nurse had said, I told myself. But I didn’t say that to her. Instead, I imagined her coming home at night to an empty apartment, furnished possibly in a minimalistic Japanese or Swedish style, brewing a cup of black coffee and settling into an armchair to re-read a Simone de Beauvoir novel. I was about to imagine having sex with her when I caught hold of myself and wondered what was up with me today.
When I got back to the waiting room, my wife was no longer there—but the Armenian woman was. She pointed down the hall and told me a room number. She said that sometime after I left, my wife had gotten a cramp and started to vomit all over the floor. Someone was still mopping up. The other people in the waiting room, which was filling up, gave me tactfully dirty looks, either because I was with the vomiter or because I’d shirked my responsible by being away during the vomiting. Irrationally, I wiped my own mouth and fled down the hall.
Inside the numbered room, my wife was sitting hunched over on an observation bed, slowly kicking her feet back and forth. “Are you OK?” I asked.
“Come here,” she said.
I did, and sat beside her on the bed. I repeated my question. She still smelled a little of vomit, but she looked up at me like the world’s luckiest puppy, her eyes big and glassy, and said, “Norman, I’m pregnant.”
That’s all she could say—
That’s all either of us could say for a while.
We just sat there on the examination bed like a pair of best friends on a swing set after dark, dangling our feet and taking turns pulling each other closer. “Are you sure?” I finally asked. My voice was hoarse. I sounded like a frog.
“Yes.” She kicked the heel of my shoe with the rubber toe of hers. “We’re going to have a baby.”
It was beautiful. The most wonderful moment of my life. I remembered the day we met and our little marriage ceremony. I thought about being a father, and felt positively terrified, and about being a better husband, and felt absolutely determined, and as I kissed my wife there in the little hospital room with its sterile green walls, I imagined making love to her. I kept imagining it as we drove back to the apartment through partying Toronto streets. “Not since the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup!” the radio announcer proclaimed—before I turned him off. I also turned off my phone and my wife’s phone. No more buzzing. In the underground parking lot, I leaned over and licked her soft neck. I pushed her through the open apartment door and straight into the living room, onto the sofa, and wished I could be the cushions beneath her thighs and the air invading her lungs. Pillow barked a greeting and wagged her tail. The monitor on the wall showed talking heads and fertility experts. I unbuttoned my wife’s blouse. She unbuckled my belt. The picture on the monitor dissolved to a close-up of Aiko’s smiling face. My wife and I took turns sliding off each other’s jeans. I kissed her bare stomach. She ran her hands through my hair. I dimmed the lights. We made love.
When we were done it was starry nighttime. My wife bandaged my hand. We turned off the television. The silence was refreshing because people on television too often talk like they’re trying to push you off a ledge. My wife excused me from the duty of making supper because of my ineptness with the frying pan, and handed me a leash instead. I hooked it up to Pillow’s collar and took her outside. While she peed, I gazed up at the sky and identified the Big Dipper. It and the Little Dipper were the only constellations I could identify without using a smartphone app. After Pillow finished, we ducked into a nook and I peed, too. The March sky was amazingly clear of smog. My urine splashed on the concrete and I felt embarrassingly primal. I breathed in, shook out the last drops and zipped up.
In the apartment, we ate grilled portabella mushrooms topped with parmesan and parsley and drank brown rice tea. My wife had changed into fresh clothes. I had changed into fresh skin. Every time she said “mom” and “dad”, the words discharged trickles of electricity up and down my peripheral nervous system. We were happy; we were going to have a baby. The whole world was happy; the Crown Princess of Japan of was going to have a baby. The sounds of drunken urban celebrations drifted in through our bedroom window all night like fog, and we barely slept.

2025, Post-

Gold is precious because it’s rare. Now close your eyes and imagine that the next time you open them, everything in your world will be golden: your kitchen table, the bananas you bought on the way home from work yesterday, your bottle of shampoo, even your teeth. Now blink. You’re not alone. The market’s flooded. Gold isn’t rare anymore. It’s everywhere. Which means that it’s worth about as much as its weight in mud, because there’s nothing intrinsically good about gold. Can you write on your gold table? It scratches. Surely you can’t eat your golden fruit. Your shampoo’s not a liquid anymore, so your hair’s already starting to get greasy. And if you do find something to eat that’s not made of metal, how long will those gold teeth last before you grind them into finely polished nubs?
For two days the Earth glittered.
For two days we lived in a daze of perfection.
And then, on March 29, a researcher working with lab mice at Stanford University noticed something odd. All of his female mice were pregnant. He contacted several of his colleagues who were also working with mice, rats, and monkeys. All their female animals were pregnant, too. Some of the colleagues had wives and girlfriends. They took innocent-seeming trips to their local pharmacies and bought up all the available pregnancy tests. At home, women took test after test and all of them showed positive. By midnight, the researchers had drafted a joint letter and sent copies of it to the major newspapers in their countries. On the morning of March 30, the news hit.
When I checked my Twitter feed after breakfast, #impregtoo was already trending. Throughout the day, Reddit lit up with increasingly bizarre accounts of pregnancies that physically couldn’t be but, apparently, were. Post-menopausal women, celibate women, prepubescent girls, women who’d had their uteruses removed only to discover that their reproductive systems had spontaneously regenerated like the severed tales of lizards. Existing early stage pregnancies aborted themselves and re-fertilized, like a system rebooting. Later term pregnancies developed Matryoshka-like pregnancies nested within pregnancies. After a while, I stopped reading, choosing to spend time with my wife instead. As night fell, we reclined on the sofa, her head on my chest, Pillow curled up in our tangle of feet, the television off, and the streets of Toronto eerily quiet save for the intermittent blaring of far off sirens, as any lingering doubts about the reality of the situation melted away like the brief, late season snow that floated gently down from the sky, blackening the streets.
On March 30, the World Health Organization issued a communique confirming that based on the available data it was reasonable to assume that all female mammals were pregnant. No cause was identified. It urged any woman who was not pregnant to step forward immediately. Otherwise, the communique offered no guidance. It indicated merely that the organization was already working with governments around the world to prepare for a massive influx of human population in approximately nine months’ time. Most places, including Toronto, reacted with stunned panic. Non-essential workplaces and schools were decried closed. People were urged to stay indoors. Hospitals prepared for possible complications. A few supermarkets ran out of canned food and there were several bank runs, but nothing happened that the existing systems couldn’t handle. Populations kept their nerve. Highway and air traffic increased slightly as people rushed to be with their friends, families and gynaecologists. We spent the entire day in our apartment and let Pillow pee in the tub. Except for the conspiracy theorists, who believed that the Earth was being cosmically pollinated by aliens, most of us weren’t scared to go outside, but we were scared of the unknown, and we preferred to process that fear in the comfort of our own dens.
The New York Times ran a front page editorial arguing for an evaluation of the situation using Kurt Schwaller’s theory of everything. In conjunction with The Washington Post, The Guardian and The Wikipedia Foundation, a website was set up asking users for technical help, monetary donations and the sharing of any surplus computing power.
The project quickly ran into problems. To accurately predict anything, the theory of everything needed sufficient data, and, on April 2, published a series of leaked emails between the French Minister of Health and a high-ranking member of World Health Organization that proved the latter’s communique had been disingenuous at best. Externally, the World Health Organization had concluded that all female mammals were pregnant. That remained true. However, it had failed to admit an even more baffling development: the wombs of all female mammals had inexplicably become impenetrable to all rays and materials that had so far been tried against them. For all intents and purposes, there was no way to see inside the womb, or to destroy it. The only way to revert the body to its natural form, to terminate the pregnancy, was to kill the woman—an experiment that, according to the high-ranking member of the World Health Organization, the French government had helped conduct on unwilling women in Mali. Both parties issued repeated denials until a video surfaced showing the murders. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. They spun their denials into arguments about the necessity of sacrificing lives for the greater good.
Reminded once again of the deception inherent in politics, many turned to religion, but the mainstream religions were hesitant to react. They offered few opinions and no answers. The fringe religions split into two camps. Some leaders welcomed this development, the greatest of all known miracles, while others denounced the same as a universal and unnatural punishment for our collective sins of hedonism, egoism and pride. The most successful of all was the Tribe of Akna, a vaguely mystical Maya revival cult that sprang up seemingly overnight and was led by a Guatemalan freelance programmer named Salvador Abaroa. Although it originated in Mexico City, the Tribe spread as quickly across the world as the computer viruses that Abaroa was notorious for creating. On the Tribe’s homepage, Abaroa could be seen striking an antique brass gong and saying in Spanish-tinged English, “Like energy, life is never destroyed. Every one of us plays an integral part of the cosmic ecosystem. Every man, woman and virus.” Elsewhere on the website, you could buy self-published theological textbooks, listen to scratchy recordings of speeches by Alan Watts and read about the hypothesis that Maya thought was deeply connected to Buddhism because the Mayans had crossed the Pacific Ocean and colonized Asia.
But despite the apparent international cooperation happening at the highest levels, the first week of April was an atomizing period for the so-called people on the ground. We hunkered down. Most personal communication was digital. My wife and I exchanged emails with her parents and sister, but we met no one face-to-face, not even on Skype. We neither invited our neighbours to dinner nor were invited by them, despite how easy it was to walk down the hall and knock. I read far more than I wrote, and even when I did write, responding to a blog post or news story, I found it easier to relate to strangers than to the people I knew. My wife said I had a high tolerance for solitude. “Who do you know in the city?” she asked. Although we’d been living here together for three years, she still considered Toronto mine. She was the stranger, I was the native. I said that I knew a few people from work. She told me to call one of them I’d never called before. I did, and the next day’s sky was cloudless and sunny and there were five of us in the apartment: my wife and I, my friend Bakshi and his wife Jacinda, and their daughter, Greta. Greta drank apple juice while the rest of us drank wine, and all five of us gorged ourselves on freshly baked peach cobbler, laughing at silly faces and cracking immature jokes. It hardly registered for me that the majority of the room was unstoppably pregnant, but wasn’t that the point: to forget—if only for a few hours? Instead of watching the BBC, we streamed BDRips of Hayao Miyazaki movies from The Pirate Bay. Porco Rosso ruled the skies, castles flew, a Catbus arrived at its magical stop. Then Bakshi’s phone rang, and he excused himself from the table to take the call. When he returned, his face was grey. “What’s the matter?” Jacinda asked him. He was still holding the phone to his ear. “It’s Kurt Schwaller,” he said. “They just found his body. They think he killed himself.”
submitted by normancrane to stayawake [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:24 SloppyEyeScream RANT: There Zero Flow And Expect Road Construction!

The Walk of Shame! Some of you don't have a fucking clue what I am talking about, and some of us have taken those footsteps. Imagine the awkwardness paralyzing your body when you stroll through the kitchen to find her son sitting at the table eating breakfast.
Son: Want some Fruity Peebles?
Ryan: Sure.
I assume most people would be more eager to leave the trailer, but I suppose Ryan was hungry. However, he willingly invited a more awkward conversation.
Son: Did you have sex with my mom?
I suppose there are a considerable amount of "answers" to that question. I don't always condone lying to someone, but I think it is important, at times, to omit some information. Ryan could have uttered, "I was too drunk to drive home so I slept here." It certainly lacked the more intricate details of the evening events, but it was true. I suppose Ryan thought, "Why lie?" though.
Ryan: Yes. I did.
It was at this point in Ryan's story that I had questions. One night stands were not my thing. It had nothing to do with morals though. We both know my moral compass is so fucked up I am truly shocked I find my way back home every night. Sex, for Sloppy, is an intimate and private encounter. I suppose murder is too, but we are talking about sex. With sex, we are exposing our entire being to another human. Fuck getting "the clap" though. Ryan had literally walked himself into a very awkward encounter, and I was fearing this child would confuse Ryan for a father-figure and bond with him.
OP: Are you going to date this lady? I mean, I would not add her to the Friends With Benefits (FWB) list if you are going to end up letting a child down.
Ryan: (Laughing Hysterically) I don't think that will be a problem.
OP: Why do you say that?
Ryan: I am 21 and her son is 24 so I don't think it's going to be a problem.
OP: Well then! I suppose you are good.
Ryan: I am keeping her because she really wants to find another girl for a threesome.
OP: Good for you. I eat dinner with my parents when I am eager to disappointed two people at the same time.
There is also another Walk of Shame, one that parents get to witness. I lost my shit last night. I yelled, and then yelled some more. I make dinner every night. I take great pride in my cooking. I made some baked tilapia, oven roasted potatoes, white asparagus, and a cucumber salad last night. I had a catastrophic meltdown when I turned my attention to plating the meals.
We have eight complete sets of overly expensive dinnerware from Import One. I fully understand why I have invested thousands of dollars into my Miyabi and Wusthof knives. You are never going to sell me on a fucking $60 dollar plate though. My wife on the other-hand? I just said I have eight sets of dinnerware people. Try to keep up. Timing is everything in cooking, and I have mastered this art. However, it is really hard to plate your food when you only have one plate in the cabinet, and zero in the dishwasher.
The kindhearted Kelly and potato-bodied Cake scream into the kitchen simultaneously.
OP: Where the fuck are my plates? My bowls? My forks? My spoons?
Cake: I don't know.
Kelly: Are they in the dishwasher?
OP: How about this? I will give you five minutes to produce my porcelain or I toss your rooms. Remove the doors to your rooms. Remove the door to your bathroom, and remove your fucking toilet seat. Alexa. Start a timer for five minutes.
Alexa: Five minutes. Starting now.
OP: I'd run.
They sprint and I get the pleasure of watching Cake bear-crawl upstairs at lightspeed. They made the time-hack. They knew where the dinnerware was at, and I know how long it was there. Kelly presented a plate that had the remnants of crawfish etouffee, a fucking dish I made two-weeks ago. Dear Reader, remember this when you have kids. Know that you will by more forks, and more spoons, because they just magically disappear. Just like Go-Gurt wrappers. Kelly had troubles with his walk of shame. It's the price you pay when you have to carry six bowls, two plates, and infinite amount of silverware, and that cup I had been looking for a month ago.
Rant Complete
Nothing you previously read had anything to do with why I am writing. I just wanted to let you know that I will be in the bowels of Fuckery today, and updating the theme. It will take some time, and I don't have a fucking clue what I am doing most of the time so be patient. You have the right to be impatient as well, but I can ensure that it will do nothing to motivate me. It's hard to describe my motivation in words right now. However, I would numerically give me a 2/10. So, there's that.
Again, remember there will be road construction on Fuckery. Deal with it.
submitted by SloppyEyeScream to FuckeryUniveristy [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:23 just_a_little_weirdo Am I leading him on by visiting him abroad?

So. There is this guy (M37) that I (F24) have been dating more or less casually for five months now--we've seen each other every or every second weekend but didn't see each other for the last six weeks before I jumped on a plane to visit him abroad where he lives now. So to clarify, yes, I am already here and I am probably not helping myself by asking this question here :D
Thing is: I had a VERY long relationship until February (five years) until I found out I've been cheated on. In may I started looking for someone to hook up with, definitely not a relationship. I met this guy, we had a lot of fun and liked to spend time with each other. When we didn't see each other we chatted or sometimes called. I really really like him but could never imagine a relationship. This still hasn't changed.
He was the first to initiate "the talk" and asking what we were. I told him I am not ready for a relationship, also because it's still too hard for me to trust someone and I have to figure out my own life first. He didn't bring it up until like two months later. We still didn't define the relationship at that point.
When he found out he got a new job abroad he asked me if I want to visit him there and told me about how much I would like it and what we could do together. I really wanted to see him again and luckily have one month of free time now before I'll continue studying. So yeah, I am already here and it is really nice. But yeah, I still don't know what will come after that. Actually if I think about it, I wouldn't have a problem to end this whole thing here once I leave. I know I probably sound heartless but this whole cheating thing made me really cold and lose my trust in love and relationships. It would maybe be different if we were in the same country but I really couldn't do a LDR now.
So yeah, did I make a mistake? I still feel we could have one nice last month together and then part for good. And I told him very clearly that I am not ready for a relationship. My therapist said that this is all I could have done, the rest is up to him. But.. I don't know. I'm afraid he is hoping for something else that I cannot give him. I feel so stupid. I really wanted to see him again, that's why I got here. But now I don't know. Am I the asshole here?
PS. What I forgot to mention was that I saw him still using tinder on his phone when he showed me something two months ago. So that was a sign for me that it was more of a casual thing with me for him too? But yeah not so sure about that anymore. I deleted tinder basically after I met him (but I never pressured him to do the same, I just didn't like to message other guys at that time anymore).
submitted by just_a_little_weirdo to datingoverthirty [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:23 InformallyGuavaCado I [28F] feel terrible. I tried to help my ex [24M] with everything. He complained about his life circumstances, lied to me about wanting to change his circumstances. I ended the relationship. Was I wrong to feel frustrated?

Thanks to everyone who sincerely read my long as intro, and for reading my post. I appreciate it! I actually feel pretty bad, and especially vulnerable right now.
I ended my relationship with a former co worker of mine. He tried to say I never gave anything to him, or tried to help him. I’ll refer to him as Thomas here.
Thomas didn’t drive, doesn’t have a computer, his home life is a mess, has anger issues. To literally telling me every single day how much he hated his job, and wanted to change his situation. I thought he was honestly a good person. So did my family, and I did like him, he liked me, so we wound up dating for six months.
Here are some of the things I would consistently deal with at the time, on a day to day basis.:
-He would rely on me to get to or from work. -Pick up either his mother’s medications, his brothers medications, to just overall going places.
-I would encourage him to pursue a trade, or even a state job. He would promise me the moon and stars, talk about desiring change, but never did anything. I even put applications for jobs in for him, with him there. Spoke to job recruiters! He wouldn’t follow through unless I hounded him to try at least. He wanted to use my computer to say he would put in for work; never did.
-His family, and 60 year old best friend who I swear was trying to groom him; would ignore me about helping him change his situation because that isn’t what they wanted. His own adoptive mother discouraged Thomas from attending anything to better his life, so, he could be stuck at home with her, to pay her bills. She didn’t want him to leave his job as a cart attendant, because he got weekly pay. And wanted her Amazon packages.
-His adoptive mother wouldn’t help him with anything. Everything was about her survival not how to help her son. She wouldn’t share anything with him. So, even for a simple heating pad, or to take him to the doctor, she would discourage me from taking him. She would even ruin my cakes, food, and pans.
-My ex co worker who is in her 70’s said if she were younger, she would try to have sex with him. (I just told her off.) That I would’ve been in trouble if she were younger. I told Thomas this, and in the end, he still went back to her for help. This woman wishes he could live with her so she “wouldn’t live alone”.
-His mother hated me because I would constantly try to help her. She took that as me being a “con artist” and that I wasn’t genuine. Any time after that she would blow me off, give me dirty looks, to brag about how manipulative she could/can be.
-Thomas wanted to marry me because I “wouldn’t change him.” (His words not mine.) Then discuss about having children with me. I told him two months time is too soon to determine who you’re going to spend your life with. When I moved out for school, he wanted to move in with me. And get on my cell phone contract.
-I am going for grad school. He doesn’t have anything beyond a high school diploma. I am OK with this. I just want a man who works hard, and is a family man. He would make jokes about being old, him being a stay at home dad, and not working a job. Where I would bring in the income. Hell, I’m the first in my family to even graduate college!
-He would get so mad and upset at his job, and life situation, his hands would shake and almost spaz out in anger. His face would turn red and he would shout “DO NOT TOUCH ME.” After I would try to help him calm down. At one point, I was afraid he was seriously going to hit me. He apologized, then asked but couldn’t understand why I was scared.
-He is the first person I had ever had sex with. My gynecologist truly thinks I have HPV. He tried to say a medical experts advice was wrong. I needed a biopsy; Thomas said what is so bad about a biopsy? It doesn’t hurt.”
-He had holes in his shoes, needed clothing, to buying clothing/shoes for him. He would often try to reciprocate, or take me out to dinner. But I always had to drive. Even when I offered to teach him, or give him the DMV book; he wouldn’t do anything. I would drive to and from his house at 7:00 in the morning, drop everything to help him, and then get back at my house around 8:30 because of traffic. I would help him mentally, emotionally, and physically in any matter I could.
-I found out much later I was dating a fucking racist, and a guy who would often make gay jokes about himself with another person.
-Any co worker who I thought I was friends with, or good with. He talked to them, and they instantly took his side. Then didn’t want anything to do with me.
-His last text messages to me were “you did nothing for me. I gave you love and you gave nothing.” To “After I get my stuff back, we are over. I don’t want you anymore. I’ll never call or text you anyway. You didn’t love me.” He even wanted birthday gifts he gave me back. So I didn’t bother sending anything back. He called me from three different phones, (two VoIP) to “solve our relationship issues.” Told me I was childish for ending the relationship and blocking him when he wanted to talk the problem out. I did love him. I believe loving someone also means doing things you wouldn’t want to really do at the moment, but, doing it to help the other person. Even to better themselves.
TD;LR: I literally helped Thomas with everything. He said I gave him nothing. Questioning if I am wrong for feeling frustrated even though I did everything to help him. Am I wrong for feeling depressed and frustrated?
submitted by InformallyGuavaCado to relationships [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:23 WatchRaffleMod5 [GIVEAWAY] June-July-August Paid Participants ONLY Giveaway

Details: June-July-August Paid Participants ONLY Giveaway
Location/Country: USA
Will ship international? Yes. Intl winners are responsible for any extra shipping, insurance, customs, and duties.
Can reraffle? You may not re-raffle without taking possession of item, unless it’s another giveaway. Main/Gold level re-raffle rules apply (see Rule 14)
We are happy to present our giveaway:
BNIB Panerai Luminor Due PAM926 directly from AD
The rules of the giveaway are (READ BELOW CAREFULLY):
  1. The giveaway will be open for one full day (Date 9/30-10/1). There will be no tags for this raffle. It will end officially at noon on the second day, any requests thereafter will be ignored.
  2. If you participated in EACH MONTH (June, July, and/or August), you are eligible for up to THREE random spots total. With ONE TOP LEVEL COMMENT you may request up to THREE random spots and post the permalinks to your PAID spot requests from EACH MONTH (we suggest you visit the last giveaway here, to see how to do this correctly). Find your paid spot request links beforehand and make sure you know the exact date(s) of your participation because Reddit has fooled many users. Freebie participation does not count. Spots in cancelled raffles do not count. Spots that were removed for non-payment certainly does not count. You may donate your spot(s) to someone else, but that person must have participated in June, July, or August. YOU MUST POST YOUR REQUEST AND LINK(S) IN ONE SINGLE TOP-LEVEL COMMENT.
  3. If you are caught calling a spot with an alt or try to cheat in any way or form, you will be perma-banned immediately with no exceptions. Do NOT send modmail to get whitelisted during this period. We are swamped with running this giveaway and approving raffle submissions, so such requests sent during this time will be archived/ignored.
  4. Not following the rules will result in one poop for EACH offense. Examples: if you ask for a spot without a link, post a link to the wrong month, post a link to the raffle itself (and not your specific spot request), or delete/edit your spot request, that will be one poop. If you commit another error afterwards, that will be a second poop (and immediate 1-week ban if 2nd poop, or 1-month ban if it results in 3rd poop and your requests will not be honored for the giveaway and if you were already assigned spots they will be removed). If you post more than one link from the same month you will receive one poop. If you are skipped, that means you made an error and you will be pooped. Make a NEW top level comment if you want to try again. If you realized you participated in all three months but forgot to post links to all three, do NOT delete or edit your original request, but make a NEW top level comment stating that you forgot the month(s) and add the proper link(s). You will receive 1 poop for this infraction and if it results in a ban, then ALL of your requests will be ignored for the giveaway, and you will not be allowed to participate in this giveaway.
  5. Once the raffle window closes, all slots will be SHUFFLED and the bot called for one winner. Winner will send modmail with his info and the watch will be shipped directly from the AD.
It takes a lot of effort on our part to check all the links to make sure that they link to completed raffles and that the dates correspond to the correct months. If you send PMs to any mods or send modmail during the giveaway period on what you did wrong or why you were pooped or why you were skipped, it will be ignored. LEARN HOW TO POST CORRECT LINKS BEFOREHAND.

Tip BoyAndHisBlob
Number of vacant slots: 100
Number of unpaid users: 0
Number of unpaid slots: 0
This slot list is created and updated by The EDC Raffle Tool by BoyAndHisBlob.

submitted by WatchRaffleMod5 to WatchURaffle [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:22 Bl00mies Dating as a disabled gay person?

Hi everyone. I was wondering if people had ideas for how to find people to date as a disabled person? Especially as a gay person, which makes the pool so much smaller. I have used the apps in the past but I seem to get ignored or blocked by most people once I tell them about my health and it's really quite tiring.
submitted by Bl00mies to DisabledPeopleUK [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:22 underhiscumspell Humbly asking for advice on a red pill marriage

I’m not familiar with most of the terms but Father was a strong captain and my Mom was a Baptist. He’d been spinning plates but not with her knowledge. I vowed never to become the Harpee wife.
Things were good after kids I dropped the ball. In the looks department. Not sure what came first.
Discovered affairs. Blood boiled not at the cheating but at the fact a woman got to have this image of being super confident when I know it’s because she had the good dick of my husband and got to keep her marriage as well as have that extra spring in her step, she had a lot of validation at home and from my captain. I took responsibility of what influenced him to step out the things that I had control over.
He is a great captain and is not redpill (well unless this is fight club) he has his moments and this isn’t a bash post.
I just feel like I’m a realist. It’s not really a Hail Mary to save the marriage but a realization that if I’m bi and he is high libido and so am I we could have this fun whilst staying together. As long as he stays in Captain mode, and not go Rambo or dark triad.
I lost weight and he gave me the go ahead for skin tightening. Insurance will cover pelvic floor reconstruction, it’ll be tighter on the inside not just aesthetically onthe outside. Two large sons and two birth injuries, (I know boring but even though he is large)
when we have had threesomes the women’s vaginas are noticeably tighter than mine. Even on my fingers. Our sons are 5 and 7 and it’s kind of difficult but I’ve managed to up my value, I don’t nag or ask for any help ever. I would use to ask for him to get me a water or stuff like that but not even that anymore. It’s my honor to please him of course not worth mentioning something I love to do.
To my point: it is a lot of time trying to find a unicorn. It’s mostly married chicks with their shit together with a man that provides financially and they peruse the adult single sites or Pinterest stay at home moms wanting to fuck just him not true bi girls. Some not even comfortable with me being there or trying to recruit me for their husband.
I am naturally subby and would love a sub sister in the bedroom, I’ve noticed subs seem way more our style. But it still feels predatory and like grooming, and technically it feels like a tool.
Sugar babies quote like 700.00 for dinner and a date then 200 every time after. Escorts are hit or miss and ultra paranoid of me (thinking I am a cop) We had a Korean massage parlor girl before Valentine’s Day, and my husband is pretty hung. She was beyond rude...
The next day we chatted almost entire day and then the woman we found said no-that she wanted a equal swap, which we are upfront we don’t pretend like I am single and gay because that’s bait and switch. It’s just women we looked for not men or couples.
The issue is this takes a lot of time, domestic duties, kids are on virtual due to Covid. He comes home and dinner is made, classwork and home work is done, but we seek a hedonistic slice and it just seems unobtainable. My sons are getting quality time with both of us.
Maybe threesomes spoiled us surely there are other wholesome activities. I think the desire would still be there for it.
I know the notion that I wouldn’t have to seek one if I was one, but I’m aging and I’m bi, I don’t need it or desire it-however the odds are in our favor, it’s really fun to me when the stars align for it to happen.
I thought he had a plate for sure, she is sweet and Due to her age care free, but it’s been denied so much either he is inlove or going to leave for her which used to haunt me but, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know my husband again. I was trying to approach the plate and drop hints but did it a year ago. I am more emotionally mature now and vowed to just enjoy whatever time is left because thinking I have all the time in the world can make me feel complacent during tough times.
The issue with this “gf”that doesn’t exist is he may have had to portray me as a frigid bitch in order to keep her on the line (that was his strategy with a LD work affair) so that might be why the only woman (young gf)i fancied and we have things in common with is not available.
closed at night.
submitted by underhiscumspell to marriedredpill [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:22 TigPlaze non-approval seeking = freedom

I feel a massive weight off my shoulders now that I know I don't need the attention of any woman. I chose my interests and my lifestyle based on what I like, not based on whether or not it will attract a woman. That's freedom. Even if I wanted to continue dating, I think that approach would be better. The dudes who go all out of their way to be stand-up guys trying to please women are the ones that come across as needy and get rejected.
So, ironically going MGTOW has had the side effect of having women end up interested in me. When I don't give a crap whether or not I get women, then someones I end up with women's interest. I did have sex a couple times after making 100 percent clear that I was not after any relationship, but most of the time I don't bother. Most of the time it's not worth the risk, especially in the metoo and covid eras. I have not done that since the metoo thing went completely whacko-viral.
I just wanted to share this with other men because I used to be very disturbed by a lack of acceptance from women when I was really trying (with bad strategy) to get together with a woman. Life is a million times better after jettisoning that crap and just not giving a damn about it.
submitted by TigPlaze to MGTOW2 [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:21 Taharied Does my dad sound like a narcissist?

So, I'm kinda posting this for closure. The below story is from a comment I made years ago under a different account--and when I came upon it today, I was reminded of all the bullshit within. And I couldn't help wondering if anyone besides myself could get a read on what my dad's problem was. I know the information is limited, but really any thoughts may help me come to terms with some of this stuff. I posted this story about four years ago, and still have not spoken with my dad--except a couple times when he swung up out of the blue to harrass me/my friends on facebook.
"These perhaps aren't quite as heavy as the experiences others here may have had, but they're all things I never quite thought about at the time and sorta creep me out looking back.
My dad was sort of..controlling, and it wasn't that noticeable until I became a teen and started having my own interests. Him and his family are baptists. Not really the type to forbid pant-wearing among the women, but pretty damn close. My dad was fairly laid-back but he had his own demons that could have influenced some of the weird stuff he said and did before he moved away.
I had my first laptop around 14 years old. I was also getting into Facebook for the first time, like actually adding my interests and what not. I happened to put my religion in as agnosticism, mostly because I was starting to feel like Christianity was just not something I could believe in.
One night, my friend must have stayed logged in to his account on my computer. While I wasn't home, my dad, who used my laptop almost constantly, saw this and proceeded to find my account (he never had used Facebook himself at this point). He found my religion section and calmly, yet furiously, asked me if I knew what agnosticism was when I got home. We had a heated discussion and he told me to remove the tag, at the very least.
A month or so later, he found out I was dating a girl. He got totally pissed at me over this. I never even knew I wasn't allowed to date. Apparently I was only permitted to date Christians. He asked me several uncomfortable questions about our relationship, and I didn't back down. The next day, he left for work (this was during summer vacation) and tied a string from the door to a nail in the frame. He explained to me that if I left, he would know it because I wouldn't be able to put that string in place myself if I came back inside. My mom found out about that one, and the girlfriend issue a couple days later, and gave him hell over it.
Did I mention that he constantly walked over from where he was sitting to where I was in the room, laptop screen facing away from him, just to see what I was looking at on my computer? He'd crane his neck around and comment on what I was doing like he was just curious. Then he made me sit in such a way that the screen faced him at all times.
One time he told me I needed to be home at 5:30 pm on a school night. My friend and I usually hung out at the park, literally at the bottom of the hill I lived on. So I didn't worry about making too much time for getting back home. 5:25 rolls around and I'm riding my bike up the hill. I'm walking up the stairs and enter our apartment at 5:30 on the dot. He comes flying from the living room with these angry eyes going "you cut it real close, didn't you?" Of course I'm like "..yeah, you told me 5:30?" And he kept saying "next time, don't cut it so close."
One time, I was sad and didn't quite know why. He wanted to talk about it with me. I never really liked talking with my dad about anything. As far as serious discussions go, I trust my mom more with wisdom. I just told my dad I wanted to call my mom first and then I'd talk to him. I come out of my room and he looks like he just lost his whole life savings, sitting there on his bed with this pissy face and not even looking at me. I used to spend every other week with each parent. So, the same amount of time with my mother and father. Any time I would ever ask about sleeping over a friend's during my dad's week, he'd get all possessive and make it all about him and how he doesn't even get to see me half the time.
We had a nasty hurricane one year that wiped the power in most of the town. Unfortunately I was with my father during this time. My mother's mom, my grandmother, had power about 25 miles west and invited us to stay with her (my father and mother got along pretty well so this wasn't out of the ordinary). My dad wouldn't let me go and wouldn't go himself, thus leaving us with nothing to do whatsoever for three days.
He moved away less than a year later because he couldn't take care of himself due to depression and "illness" which he never quite explained. He moved in with his mom and step-dad in Minnesota and I'd see him 1-2 times a year.
Every time I'd go there it would be tough to spend time with my cousins and what not because he was so possessive over me. Not to mention I paid for my own plane tickets every time. The last time I saw him was for Christmas of 2013, and when I was there I decided I never wanted to talk to him again.
We left one day to go see family or something and I had my coat in hand, wearing a sweater already. We get outside and it's refreshingly not horrible (Minnesota winters can be a bit much) so I keep my jacket off. He starts telling me to put my jacket on. I say I'm not cold and he persists, getting angry and eventually saying not to argue with him (something that pisses me off for life because he's said that as long as I can remember). I was 18 and I wasn't cold!! Eventually I yelled at him and he just yelled back and said we'd go back inside if I didn't put it on. I realized just then I didn't even like my dad.
A couple months later, when I came out as bisexual over Facebook, he took the opportunity to berate me for not telling him over the phone, and then blamed me for his recent mental hospital stay because I hadn't called him lately, whereas he was calling me during the least convenient times and I had work and school to deal with. I flipped out on him and he told me to call him when I was ready to apologize. So I haven't talked to him since."
submitted by Taharied to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 18:18 NotBored1217 Community Emote Contest

Hello everyone, this post will talk about the upcoming community emote contest. I‘ll put this right at the beginning so people don’t have to read the entire post to get this info: Emotes can be art but can also be a screenshot that encapsulates Oblivion well. As an example see the current Adoring Fan community emote. END DATE: October 17th 2020 11:59 AM CST
  1. Follow all of the subreddit’s rules, this means all emotes must be SFW
  2. Flair your emote submission with the Emote Contest flair
How will it work?
Starting immediately after this post goes live you may submit an emote by posting your picture to the subreddit and make sure to flair the post with the Emote Contest flair otherwise it may not be seen by mods. Depending on how many submissions we get there will be either 5 or 10 selected emotes in the end. These emotes will largely be picked by you, the community, upvote your favorites! Mods hold the right to pass over the top emotes if they violate the rules of this contest.
Q. Will I get credit for my emote if it’s picked?
A. Yes you will get credit, I will be sure to find a place on the subreddit where you will get credit.
Q. What if I forget to flair my post?
A. I will likely still accept the submission, but I may not see it in the end.
Q. When will this contest end?
A. I have currently set the date for October 17th, there is no rhyme or reason to this so it may be extended or shortened at my discretion. If I do change the date I will let you know.

Happy emote making! any other questions you have may be asked below.
submitted by NotBored1217 to oblivion [link] [comments]

Carpenters - The Dating Game 1970 (Complete) - YouTube 5 DATING MISTAKES EVERY GIRL MAKES *game changer* - YouTube 7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore - YouTube Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating Women! (Don't Do ... How to build your own online dating site - YouTube Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating (The 7 DEADLY Dating ... LET'S MAKE A DATING SIM!♥ - Part 1, Day 1 (RPG Maker MV ...

How to Make a Dating Website - Matchmaking & Marriage Designs

  1. Carpenters - The Dating Game 1970 (Complete) - YouTube
  2. 5 DATING MISTAKES EVERY GIRL MAKES *game changer* - YouTube
  3. 7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore - YouTube
  4. Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating Women! (Don't Do ...
  5. How to build your own online dating site - YouTube
  6. Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating (The 7 DEADLY Dating ...
  7. LET'S MAKE A DATING SIM!♥ - Part 1, Day 1 (RPG Maker MV ...

Learn how to build your own online dating site from someone who has actually done it. Create a home based business opportunity in a legitimate & growing indu... This is a laid-back video series of my journey creating a dating-sim-visual-novel style game. This is a mainly unedited 'live' recording, by which I mean nea... I really only started 'dating' for the first time, this year! It's lots of fun and a great tool for self reflection in many ways. You don't need to marry eac... Discover The 4 Emotions You Need To Make a Killer First Impression: 7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore One of the difficult ... Carpenters - The Dating Game 1970 (Complete) Neither of us went on our date! In this video, we talk about the common things I see men doing that that do not make the woman attracted to you. I explain why so you can start changing this... Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Dating (The 7 DEADLY Dating Sins!): Some guys operate with certain perspectives that may SEEM 'respectful' of women... But rea...